How many times have you reached out to a friend in a time of crisis, just to have her turn her back on you? How many of you have had a relationship dissipate, slowly, without ever knowing why? Did you ever lie awake in bed wondering if your parents love you?
These feelings and questions can be more than heart-breaking. They can be soul-damaging. A person that feels unloved is not just sad or unhappy. Such feelings can lead to despair, or worse. Remember, however, that if love is not available from the source from which you seek, it probably cannot be given. It is not a deficiency of your character. Rather, the person or persons from whom you desire love and attention may simply be unable to express such emotions.
Love is Risky
Putting your feelings out for examination by others is extremely distressing for some people. These individuals guard their feelings with a fortress of defenses to prevent injury to their fragile egos. This can include friends, lovers, and even family members. You may be surprised to learn that your brother or sister cannot be truthful or forthcoming regarding their love for you. Ingrained competitions (older vs. younger siblings) may still be at work. After all, you used to compete for your parents' limited love.
Even parents, ironically, can end up competing with their children. Some mothers may see that their husband favors a daughter. Or, the reverse may be true with a wife loving a son so deeply that it threatens a husband.
Are you broken-hearted?
I'M NOT BROKEN
Love Gone Strong
Love Means Different Things to Different People
The giving and receiving of love is a dance. Some need more, while others want to give less. And yet, these people are bound together. If you are in such a relationship, you may need to redefine expectations of each other to avoid disappointment and despair. With adults, it can come down to "show me that you love me," instead of just telling me so. But when words and actions do not match, discussions between those in the relationship may be able to resolve diferences. For a child, both showing and telling are critical. You cannot just tell your child that you love them when you act as if you are angry or upset with them much of the time. And, even if you think that your extra efforts with regard to making cookies or attending field trips is evidence of your affection for your kid, assuring them each night when you tuck them in that they are special and loved is an important way to end the day.
What about the sadness and loneliness?
Have you been the child, or the damaged one in a relationship? Are you needing comfort and assurance? You will have to learn to love yourself first before you can completely expect someone else to do the same. This definitely seems unfair and a huge burden to bear. But the result of feeling unloved invariably leads to lower self-esteem, which in turn, can result in clinginess, lack of confidence, and other personality traits which can send any potential lover running - fast! Start with a journal in which you can express your feelings on a daily basis. Consult with a counselor or religious leader. Many jobs offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) at little or no cost. Over time, you will gain confidence that you are a lovable person, regardless of your past. This should help you greatly in future relationships.
If your sadness or despair continues for more than 30 days without change, you should consult a physician. Medication and/or therapy may be necessary to get you on the path to a better mood and better love.
The giving and receiving of love is a dance. Some need more, while others want to give less. And yet, these people are bound together. If you are in such a relationship, you may need to redefine expectations of each other to avoid disappointment and despair. With adults, it can come down to "show me that you love me," instead of just telling me so. But when words and actions do not match, discussions between those in the relationship may be able to resolve diferences. For a child, both showing and telling are critical. You cannot just tell your child that you love them when you act as if you are angry or upset with them much of the time. And, even if you think that your extra efforts with regard to making cookies or attending field trips is evidence of your affection for your kid, assuring them each night when you tuck them in that they are special and loved is an important way to end the day.
What about the sadness and loneliness?
Have you been the child, or the damaged one in a relationship? Are you needing comfort and assurance? You will have to learn to love yourself first before you can completely expect someone else to do the same. This definitely seems unfair and a huge burden to bear. But the result of feeling unloved invariably leads to lower self-esteem, which in turn, can result in clinginess, lack of confidence, and other personality traits which can send any potential lover running - fast! Start with a journal in which you can express your feelings on a daily basis. Consult with a counselor or religious leader. Many jobs offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) at little or no cost. Over time, you will gain confidence that you are a lovable person, regardless of your past. This should help you greatly in future relationships.
If your sadness or despair continues for more than 30 days without change, you should consult a physician. Medication and/or therapy may be necessary to get you on the path to a better mood and better love.
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